Ask away if you wanna get to know me at all :3
I’m depressed, and so I crave food.
I crave food, so I buy pizza.
I bought pizza, so I stuff myself with pizza.
I stuffed myself with pizza, therefore I gave in to my binge cravings.
I gave in to my cravings, so I become depressed.
I hate this.
It’s hard to believe people trying to make you out to be the bad guy when they’re the ones saying things like, “How do you exist,” “Who let you exist,” and, “Who let you happen?”
It’s really fucked that we can just say we puked or we have a sore throat and stay home from school but we can’t say I’m too sad to go to school or I want to jump off a bridge and school isn’t the best place for me right now. Mental illnesses are just as serious as any physical illness.Parents need to realize this.
Fuck you tumblr I do NOT need this right now
I feel like I’ve been such a bad friend to her.
I keep thinking of when she called me up, crying, and told me her grandfather died. She showed herself vulnerable to me, she cried and let me hear it. She never does that.
And I just told her to tell me if there was anything I could do. I didn’t push her to get together real quick, to lend her a shoulder, I didn’t give her those options. I didn’t say to her, “Let’s get together for a bit, OK?” I didn’t say to her, “Let me be there for a little while.” I didn’t give her the option. It’s killing me.
She’s always there for me. She’s the first to hear if I’m not OK. She’s the best friend I’ve ever had. She’s the only friend that still feels real…
And I lied to her, too. I lied to her today. I told her I was OK when I’m not. I don’t want her to worry. I don’t want her to feel my pain. I don’t want her to know…I want to die again. I’m at that place again. So I lied to her.
It’s eating me up. It’s killing me. Both are killing me. I just started writing her a message telling her I lied and that I’m sorry but I couldn’t send it because I just remembered how bad a friend I feel that I am.
It’s killing me. I can’t get this out. I can’t do anything with these emotions. An unstoppable force has met an immovable object. They’re just contradicting each other, every time I think about them, and it’s crushing me.
It’s at the point where my only posts of value are on my private blog literally no one has access to because I’m terrified of people I know in real life that I added on here in the past reading anything.
Wow. That just makes me sadder.
I stopped after I went to the hospital for the second time in July, if not even a bit earlier. I don’t remember.
I did good for a while, I really did.
A short while.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately..thinking that I might need this outlet again.
Reblog the shit out of this. EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON
Funny how if you make a joke out of your own pain, everyone laughs, and nobody asks or comforts you.